How to win friends and influence people in this digital age


How to win friends and influence people

how to win friends and influence people


    You want your partner to spend some more time with you. You may have complained for this many times, but it seems to be ineffective. Or, maybe you want your parents to support you in following your passion, but they never have agreed to support you. Or maybe your little baby never eats full stomach, and so his weight is decreasing day by day. And for that, you are getting worried about his health and you want your baby to eat full stomach. So you may have scolded or even beat him for that, but still, he never eats full stomach. So what is the solution for these kinds of life-problems?

    What can you do so that everyone will do what you want them to do? This is what I am going to share with you today from the best-selling book "how to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie. So to get a permanent solution to this life problem, read this article till end. 

    When you want your partner to spend more time with you, but your partner really doesn't express any interest, then you have two options :-

    1) To criticize your partner, i.e. If you have no time for me, then who told you to come into a relationship with me? This option is chosen by the maximum of us.

    Or, 2) instead of criticizing or complaining, try to understand why is your partner not interested in spending time with you. Look for the ways, what you can do so that you don't have to ask your partner to spend time with you. Instead, your partner will ask you to spend some time together.

    how to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie

    B. F. Skinner, the world-famous psychologist, proved through his experiments that a person rewarded for good behaviour will learn much more rapidly and retain what he learns far more effectively than a person punished for bad behaviour. Just think. When someone criticizes you for your deeds then what type of felling is born inside you? You come to defensive mode and explain to the person why you were bound to do that work. Lewis Lawes, who was warden of New York's infamous Sing - Sing prison for many years, he declared that few of the criminals in Sing - Sing regard themselves as bad men. 

    They are just as human as you and I. So they rationalize, they explain. They can tell you why they had to crack a safe or be quick on the trigger finger. So if these types of notorious criminals consider themselves innocent, then why wouldn't our partners consider them right? After all, they are very simple people. So trying to make them understand, that they have done something wrong by criticizing them, is just an act of stupidity.

    how to win friends and influence people summary

    So, smart idea  1: 

    If you want to gather honey, don't kick over the beehive. 

    When a study was made a few years ago on runaway wives, what do you think was discovered to be the main reason wives ran away? It was - lack of appreciation. People who would think they had committed a crime if they let their families or employees go for six days without food; but they will let them go for six days, and six weeks, and sometimes six years without giving them the hearty appreciation that they crave almost as much as they crave food. We should nourish our loved ones' self-esteem by expressing appreciation or gratitude just like we nourish our loved ones' body by providing food. 

    At the starting of a relationship, we do appreciate our loved ones. But as times passes by, we just take them so much taken for granted that we forget the need of appreciating our loved ones.

    Let's take an example. Suppose you go to a fancy restaurant and order a costly dish for your loved one. This costly dish will get out of his body on the very next day morning. But if you appreciate your beloved for something, from the bottom of your heart then those kind words of appreciation would sing in their memories for years like the music of the morning stars. So which one is more important? The day your partner can't manage time for you, you never forget to criticize your partner on that day. But the day your partner does manage time for you and spends a lot of time with you, you just forget to appreciate your partner on that day. 
    Now, this is very important, the appreciation must be sincere and genuine. It should not be flattery. Because then it will make the condition even worse. It will make your partner think that you are trying to fool him. And nobody likes to be fooled by anyone. So it's necessary that the appreciation must be genuine and sincere.

    how to win friends and influence people review

    So smart idea 2: 

    Give honest and sincere appreciation

    Personally, you may be very fond of strawberries and cream, but for some strange reason, fish prefer worms. So when you went fishing, you don't think about what you want. You think about what they want. You don't bait the hook with strawberries. Rather, you dangle a worm or a grasshopper in front of the fish. Why not use the same common sense when fishing for people? You want to follow your passion because you like to do that work, but your parents may not like that work. They want your safety and security first; they don't want to see you in any kind of pain or trouble. So, why talk about what we want? That is childish. Of course, you are interested in what you want. You are eternally interested in it. But no one else is. The rest of us are just like you: they are interested in what they want. 

    So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it. You want your child to eat full stomach so that he remains healthy. But it's very normal that a child will not be concerned about his health. He doesn't have any interest in staying healthy or unhealthy. So in this case you have to find, what is that your child is interested in? Maybe he wants to kick the football hard like his friend Ayush. So when he will not eat, then instead of scolding him and telling him "I said eat full plate, otherwise you will get sick", it will be better to tell him that Don't you want to kick the football hard as Ayush? So, if you don't eat full you will not be able to do so. Also, you will not be selected in the football team of your school. So eat full stomach if you want to become stronger". Then there is a bigger possibility that he will get influenced by your words and eat full stomach as you want him to do. Just like this using your intelligence if you can link your own interest with the interest of the person in front of you and if you can give more priority to his interest than yours, you can easily influence anyone. Let me give you another example. Say you have gone to a store to buy a freeze. 

    Now just after you enter into his shop one shopkeeper starts telling you, "Oh! Do you want a freeze? Buy this one. It has inverter technology. You will get this nowhere else but only in my shop. I have already sold five of these this week. The company has given me a target to sell six of these in this week. If you buy this, my target will be fulfilled". 

    On the other hand, after entering into his store another shopkeeper tells you, "Sir, may I know your budget? Okay in this price range you can look for this one. If you prefer this one, your electricity bill will be much lower and you will also don't have to buy a stabilizer separately. Freezes of the previous generations used to produce many deadly gases like CFC, so you had to cover up the foods in the freeze otherwise the food used to harm our body. But in this freeze, no such poisonous gases are produced and so the food remains fresh and healthy for a long time. It will be best according to your requirements". So from which shop would you like to buy the freeze?


    how to win friends and influence people in this digital age

    So smart idea 3: 

    Arouse in the other person an eager.


    Now if I sum up the whole article, if you want everyone to do what you want them to do, remember these 3 smart ideas always,

    how to win friends and influence people in the digital age summary

    1) Don't criticize or complain 
    2) Praise and appreciate
    3) Arouse an eager want

    I have learnt these things from the book "how to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie. So, if you want to know in more details, you can buy the book from online by searching on Google.

    Ending Lines

    I am sure you may know someone who is facing similar life problems and must need to read this article. So, at last, a little request to you, please share this article with that person so that you can help to make that person's life a little better. Moreover, you can win others heart by your words and your friendly nature. So, you can read our post "How to be funny" which can make you sound funny.
    Thanks for Reading.
    More wisdom, more solution, better life!

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